'Every creature on earth dies alone'

‘Every creature on Earth dies alone’, Grandma Death whispers into the ears of a 15-year-old Donnie Darko in the critically acclaimed movie Donnie Darko from 2001 (the year I was born). 15 years later, a 15-year-old adolescent watches the movie and internalizes those words to a terrific extent. What I was too naïve to understand at that point was the terrible individuality of life. We wake up every day, kiss our conscience goodbye so that we can wear masks to appease others. Yet, we can never truly be ‘together’ as human beings. We come out of the womb alone, open our own eyes to orient ourselves in the nakedness of the universe. We flap our own arms, say our own curses. We will be flayed alone for our own sins too.  So, the question begs itself: Why the long rush to be with other humans, to interact with others when every creature on Earth dies alone?

It is the kind of question that either has a very obvious answer to you or no answer at all. There does not seem to be any aspect to it that one can ponder over at all. So, for the past week; I was trying my best to understand exactly the paradox I found myself in. Let me introduce the idea of perspective here. It will help later on. Like almost any other adolescent, I was (still am) knee-deep in my passion for football. Every break time in school, my friends and I would go over and play some football to our heart’s content. For those 30 minutes, life felt alive. Anticipation was a drink tinged with the drug of pleasure. It was like watching a bunch of terrible musicians try their hand at playing Beethoven’s 5th symphony. It was not that way for us. We, the players, felt truly unique in our attempts at playing the game. No one was better, no one was faster. Indeed, the brand of football we felt we played was better than anything that the top theatres of the sport could possibly offer. We were stallions, bred specifically to kill.

And yet, the illusion was shamefully easily broken. A friend of mine had shot us on a phone playing football. It was truly disorienting. My misgivings of being a top player, fit to play side by side with the best in the world were gone in a poof of adolescent shame. The shitty video, being played back did not show the man of mercurial talent that I had assumed myself to be. It showed a lanky kid hacking away at a half-deflated football. It was one of those moments where your humanity shoves its vulgar face into the hope of your imaginations. You are not the Emperor of the Universe. You are a terrible little foot soldier in the grand scheme of things. If things go well, maybe you will lead a few people one day. It was the day I realized that the force of gravity did not emanate from the bottom of my shoe. It would have been humbling, but in reality, it was just a kid becoming more aware of his surroundings. Perspective can be shocking.

Now, I am about to tell you why I was better off not having realized that. One could summarize life in 2 parts. ‘Childhood’ and ‘Remembering Childhood’. Most of us refer to them as the ‘good old days’. Childhood is characterized by a sweet ignorance of sorts. The kind that compels kids to smile in immigration camps. The impossible dreams we have as children fade away slowly. The very true essence of what we were supposed to be in a truly limitless world also fades away slowly. But is that such a good thing? I was much happier as an adolescent, believing my bullshit. And that is where, gentlemen, lies the secret to living your best life. Believing your bullshit. So, now whenever I sporadically step onto the field, I believe I can do stepovers faster than Ronaldo, dribble better than Messi and score more than both. Because humans don’t die alone. We die, safely caressed by our hopes, beliefs, and dreams.